Just about everyone has or has had someone they need to forgive but struggle to do so. I am no exception. There are a lot of people I have forgiven, and people who have forgiven me for mistakes. But there are people from the past whose actions against me still bring pangs of anger, anxiety, and general feelings of malaise. I don't like that those people linger in my emotional life, even if they're long gone from my day-to-day life. I found this article at Tiny Buddha a helpful piece for thinking about those emotions.
The moment that you decide that you won’t tolerate the behaviors that lead you not to forgive is the moment that things shift.
Caution: In movies, the hero or heroine “gets back” at someone and then walks off into a happy ending.
That’s not what we’re talking about, here. If your boss routinely puts you down, you don’t tell her off and that’s your “power.”
Rather, you decide that you won’t tolerate the put downs, you come up with a plan for how you’re going to handle it when they arise, and then you actually assert that boundary, while looking at her with pure love because you know that her put downs are causing her immense suffering (even if you can’t see the suffering).
What happens in moments like these is that the put downs become about as believable as a drunk, homeless man who is shouting obscenities on the street. He’s clearly not altogether there, and you can have compassion for him because his suffering is so visible and his words so illogical.
Here’s the big secret: When humans are unkind to one another, they’re not so very different than that guy. Many of us are just using different language and wearing nicer clothes.