The Boy Who Ran Away -11/15/09

The Boy Who Ran Away

I forget the reason I'm traveling
I forget the reason I'm here
I forget how to love anything
I forget how to get back there

there: the legend of 1622,
when the criminals came,
sent to explore + expand for James--
the place paralyzed my insides, giving me nothing to do

to Love a thing: we betrayed Love in different manners
mine was adolescent exuberance – wanting so much to feel all of you
yours was petulant exasperation – wishing so much for the world to go away
whatever the means, we lose, fail, the other, ourselves

I'm here: the Japanese tea garden
I jump into the little pond
into the prickling trickling cold
I don’t care about the guards kicking me out

traveling: I had to drown in this tepid bay
succumb to all the hailed glories (whiskey + lorazepam)
until I could emerge in your Atlantic,
remember how we broke each other

then fill the sky
with new clouds