Silly Tax Poems

Ditties for April 15th

1) To the Tax Man

I bet you’re nothing like the
Tender Harold Crick
(from that lovely movie I watched on Sunday.)

You are wound tight,
‘tis but a requirement of the job
You put it on your resume
“.001 mm bum hole”

2) Wages-1

The Pope is here in America today
It is fitting that I reflect on my wages from the year at this time
The Archdiocese paid part of my pittance

3) Wages-2

Pick the t-shirt up from the collar
Shake it out with one crisp flick
Drape the bottom onto the table
Fold one sleeve in at mid-shoulder then the other
Use the table to fold the shirt in half
Repeat 10000000 times for close to minimum wage
Get a discount at the Gap

4) Wages-3

Those poor children
Who arrive on Saturday mornings
To learn phonetics
Before playing soccer
What torture, for both of us

5) Wages-4

environmentally sensitive
energy saving
Exhaust Fans

6) For

a. 20.7% I will never see, because is it paid into a system that will fail by the time I’m supposed to access it
b. 19.7% essentially goes to a war I don’t believe should have been waged; however, there are something in defense that are worth it—like peacekeeping missions and whatnot
c. 12.4% is Medicare, which—when managed properly—is worth it
d. 8.5% goes to the Chinese (interest in debt)
e. 6.8% see a and c
f. 4.7% is other income security—because mismanaging social security isn’t good enough
g. 4.5% SHOULD BE TEN TIMES BIGGER, MINIMUM for education and social services
h. 3.9% other blah blah blah
i. 2.8% health –Uncle Sam says, “Your health is 16.9% less important than our ability to bomb other people.”
j. 2.7% of the potholes on the streets are fixed because of my taxes
k. 2.6% we tapped into this year quite a bit, the result is in part on top of the television in a box, the other part in a box at the veteran’s cemetery
l. 2.1% again, at minimum quintuple this. I would love to see communities more developed
m. 2.0% I’m hungry
n. 1.5% just us
o. 1.4% returns to some of us
p. 1.3% goes to peeps without a job
q. 1.2% that’s a lot of CFL light bulbs
r. 1.1% purchased underwear in Panama
s. 1.0% for corn and pigs
t. 0.9% will get us to Mars some day
u. 0.8% TANF
v. 0.7% Does General Government know General Washington or General Petreus?
w. 0.2% man there’s some random chunks in this budget…whatev

7) What To Do with My Return

Ikea Furniture-$300
Used Fridge, Washer & Dryer-$600
Gas to cart stuff around-$100
Moving out of your parents house-priceless

HAPPY TAX SEASON EVERYBODY!!!!!! We have reached the end. 364 more days until the 2008 returns!